Have you recently suffered a loss of someone or something important in your life?  If you have, you may also have been confronted with some of the common myths about grieving.  These myths include the following (from www.childrensroom.org):

• The pain of your grief will lessen faster if you just ignore it
• You should be “strong” when facing the loss
• If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t feeling sad about the loss
• Grief should last a set amount of time (a month, a year, etc.)
• Moving on means that you are forgetting the one you lost
• Your friends can help by not bringing up the subject around you

Grief is a personal experience and your experience will different from other people who may share their stories with you.  It is important to know that you will respond to grief in your own way.

When speaking about grief, we often refer to two forms of grief, complicated and uncomplicated.  Uncomplicated grief is the most common form.  Individuals experiencing this type of grief have a progressive lessening of their symptoms over a period of months, coming to gradually accept the loss and find ways to integrate the loss into their life.  Complicated grief occurs when your symptoms are prolonged or feel like they intensify over time.  You may be experiencing complicated grief if you experience:

• A persistent disbelief of the death of your loved one
• Intrusive memories or flashbacks
• Intense and recurring anger, sadness or guilt
• Inability to enjoy activities that you previously did
• Social withdrawal
• Difficulty attending classes and completing your coursework

When you are recovering from a loss, you frequently encounter a variety of stressors.  These two types of stressors are often referred to as loss-oriented and restoration-oriented stressors.  Loss-oriented stressors take the form that we most commonly know as grief symptoms such as sadness at the loss.  Restoration-oriented stressors arise from trying to make meaning of the loss and integrating it into your life.  University life can often make it difficult to handle these types of stressors due to the time constraints imposed on you.  You may feel pressure to rush your grieving process or to ignore the symptoms and feelings you are experiencing.

If you are feeling pressure to process the grief experience, know that there are multiple things that you can do to help.  Others have found it helpful to stick with a routine schedule.  They also have found help in finding ways to express their emotions through writing, art, and music.  It is important to remember to take care of yourself during this time.  This includes getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising.  Being good to yourself also means giving yourself time to process this experience.  Recognize that there will be highs and lows during the grieving process and don’t deny your or numb them with alcohol or drugs.  Set realistic expectations for yourself during this process as well.

If you feel that you are experiencing prolonged complicated grief or if you are having difficulty with the loss or restoration-related stressors, it may be helpful to speak with someone about your grief.  Call the Counseling Center to schedule at 8632-2090 to schedule an intake appointment. 

Resources:

Dearly Loved: Dealing with the Death of a Parent (13 minutes):  In this video, three young adults who are at different stages of the grieving process discuss the death of a parent.

Available from http://fanlight.com/

A Family Disrupted: Dealing with the Death of a Sibling (22 minutes):  Three individuals share their experiences of how they dealt with the death of a sibling.  They discuss how they dealt with their grief compared to other relatives in the family as well as their friends.

Available from http://fanlight.com

http://www.grief.net  This site can be helpful for assisting others who are dealing with grief.

http://www.studentsofamf.org  The site of Students of Ailing Mothers and Fathers, an organization dedicated to supporting college students dealing with illness and death.

http://www.griefshare.org  This website can help you to find local support groups and provides online videos as well.