"I'm at School, My Friend's at War" 
As we continue to be at war with Iraq, you may be concerned about loved ones and/or high school and college friends who have been (or may soon be) deployed for military service. You, like the young adults of previous war-time generations, may experience feelings commonly associated with the trauma of military deployment (e.g., fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.). These are completely normal responses to an acutely troubling situation: facing the issue of how best to cope with the deployment and possible involvement of your friends.
Perhaps the single most critical challenge for you is to sustain a focus not on your fears (no member of our campus community can alter the path of even one bomb or bullet) but on what does remain under your control. It is important to take care of yourself and to attempt to go about "business as usual." Some students may mistakenly conclude that, given the risks being faced by their friends in the military, their own personal needs and academic pursuits are insignificant. This is not true. If you allow yourself to decay intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you will soon be of no use to yourself or anyone else. In fact, you may actually become a source of concern for others, adding to their existing burden and making it more difficult for them to cope. For suggestions on how to cope more effectively, click here to connect to our "Coping in Troubling Times" page.
If you are struggling, talk about your feelings and ask for support from friends and family. If things become more overwhelming, contact the Counseling Center (862-2090) and request an appointment to discuss these issues.
While the previously listed suggestions are all important to coping effectively with deployment/combat issues, perhaps the best thing that you can do for yourself is to reach out and find meaningful ways to be helpful to others, especially your friends in the military.
For example, just like freshman at UNH, service members are overjoyed to get a letter, card, or package from home. Consistent efforts to communicate with your friends who have been deployed can do wonders to raise their morale and strengthen them for the challenges that they face. In fact, some incredibly moving and courageous compositions have been written between soldiers and their friends and loved ones.
Communicating with deployed military personnel can be complicated, especially during times of war. Your friends may not be able to share much information about their location or mission. At the same time, they may talk passionately about their unit and their desire to serve their country. This enthusiasm is essential to your friends' success and safety in combat, and it is important for you to recognize and honor this part of their experience. Even if you have feelings to the contrary, it is important to keep your communications positive, upbeat, and supportive. Humorous stories about family and/or shared friends can transcend geographical distances and help service members feel close and connected to the important people in their lives. Additional tips on communicating...
If you decide you would like to extend your good will efforts beyond your friend, you can inquire if there is anyone in his or her unit who is not getting mail and request contact information for that person. The National Military Family Association can provide additional information about more general efforts to support our service men and women.
In closing, while it may seem premature at this point, you should begin to contemplate and prepare for your friend's return to the States. Friends and loved ones of military service members frequently have fantasies of what the reunion will be like, often harboring a strong desire to return to "the way we were." However, the passage time and the experience of being deployed, not to mention the life-altering impact of armed combat, can result in dramatic changes both within and between people. It is important to be willing to spend the time necessary to slowly reacquaint with one another and to reestablish the relationship on both old and new terms.
For Information on Campus Safety and Emergency Procedures, click here.
Adapted from material provided by David Onestak, Director, Eastern Illinois University and Iowa State University Student Counseling Service.
Tips for Communicating with Deployed Personnel
- Frequency is more important than the length of the communications
- Parents and/or spouses should have the contact info
- Email will not likely be "instant"; (a soldier's response may be delayed for a week or more)
- Snail-mail letters and cards are still one of the least expensive and most satisfactory ways to stay in touch (they can be reread during lonely moments or at times when other forms of communication are not available)
- Estimated delivery time is ~10 days
If you are sending a package:
- Check out the US Postal Service website for info on what can and can't be shipped to various locations
- Be creative (photos, silly toys, CDs, interesting home newspaper and campus newsletter articles)
- Make sure any food items are not perishable
- Phone cards are an especially welcomed and valued gift (be sure to check out the restrictions of the cards before your purchase)