Tips for a Happy Holiday for GLBT Students

*Some tips excerpted from Mariana Caplan's book, When Holidays are Hell...! A Guide to Surviving Family Gatherings
Published by Hohm Press

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender...

Don't assume you know how somebody will react to news of your sexual orientation - you may be surprised.
Realize that your family's reaction to you may not be because you are gay. The hectic holiday pace may cause family members to act differently than they would under less stressful conditions.
Remember that "coming out" is a continuous process. You may have to "come out" many times.
Don't wait for your family's attitude to change to have a special holiday.
Recognize that your parents need time to acknowledge and accept that they have a gay child. It took you time to come to terms with your sexual orientation, now is is your family's turn.
Let your family's judgments be theirs to work on, as long as they are kind to you.
Create your own holiday gathering with friends and loved ones, if it is too difficult to be with your family.

Make a decision about being "out" to each family member before you visit.
Discuss in advance with your partner how you will talk about your relationship, or show affection with one another, if you plan to make the visit together.
Don't wait until late into the holiday evening to raise the issue of sleeping arrangements. If you bring your partner home, make plans in advance.
Have alternate plans if the situation becomes difficult at home.
Find out about glbt resources.
If you do plan to "come out" to your family over the holidays, have support available, including a Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) publication and a phone number of a local PFLAG chapter.

Focus on common interests.
Reassure family members that you are still the same person they have always known.
Be sensitive to your partner's needs as well as your own.
Be wary of the possible desire to shock your family.
Remember to affirm yourself.
Realize that you don't need your family's approval to sustain an excellent relationship with your partner.
Connect with someone else who is gay - by phone or in person - who understands what you are going through and will affirm you along the way.

If you are a the friend or family member of someone who is gay, click here for Tips.