Making Successful Transitions 
You've met the challenge of transitioning from home to college. You've succeeded at passing your classes, making new friends, and living on your own. Don't be surprised if your time back home is another challenge. You've changed. What you may not realilze is that your parents may have changed also. Your relationship with them may change, too. This can be a great experience, if you are ready for it and can make a few preparations.
Prepare for change
The first thing that sets up many college students for a rough first summer home is that they are blind-sided by change. Being prepared for it (setting your mind for it and making plans to smooth the transition) is the first, most important step.
| * Start the transition during the December break. This is a fantastic time to implement some strategies for success, easing into a new life back home. During this time you may feel very little change. You've only been gone a few months and you're only visiting a few weeks. The upcoming summer will be more challenging. Avoid some of the stress then by being proactive now. | |
| * Be prepared for a change in culture. Many students are going home to towns with smaller populations than that of the university they attend. UNH has 10,000+ students of generally similar age. Your hometown may have 2,000 people total. The populations not only differ in numbers, but cultural norms as well. | TIP: Embrace these changes. Places are different wherever you go. When you graduate, you'll likely go to a town with different norms than UNH. The more readily you adapt, the more successful you will be. Going home is your first practice run! |
| * You've changed - You may be more independent. You may think for yourself more than when you were last living at home. Your parents may not be ready for this change in you. They may expect you to need them as much as you did before you left. It may be a difficult transition for them to accept you as an independent person with views possibly different from theirs, a person who can stand on his/her own. | TIP: Remember that your parents want you to be independent. They just may be shocked that it's happened so soon. Give them some time and ease them into it. Give them a chance to be proud of your independence. Remember this is as much a transition for them as for you. |
| * Appearance - Not only have your views changed, you may not even look the same! This can be a real shock to your parents and high school friends. During this new time of independence, you made many decisions on your own and changing your appearance may be one. Although you may feel the same, be prepared for reactions from others. | TIP: If you've made drastic changes (ie tattoos or piercings), let your family know before you come home. Be sure to emphasize that this is a time to try new things, and you're trying a new look. To know this is experimenting to find that new look may make it easier to accept. It certainly does not have to be forever. When at home, consider toning it down. With so many adjustments to make in how you feel and think, you may not want your new look standing in the way of being heard. |
| * Talk to your parents. Talking is the simplest act and the one that is most often overlooked. You and your parents are becoming peers. So many problems can be avoided by a simple conversation. Start including your parents in your new life by talking about it. Orient them to your major, your new friends and your goals. Your parents really are interested in your life. This is a time that is both scary and exciting. You will make it less scary by talking openly with them. | |
| * Whose house is it? The place you grew up in will become less "my house" and more "my parent's house" every time you go home. More and more, your place will be where you live and keep your stuff at school. Just as you want friends to respect your place when they come where you live, respect your parent's place as well. | TIP: This will call for re-negotiating expectations for living and house rules. It is very different to transition from being an occupant of your parent's house to becoming a visitor. Do the "old" rules still apply? Will more or less be expected? Discuss curfews. You will enjoy your time with your parents much more if you work these things out up front. Be ready for some rules to stay the same. If you think they should change, suggest a compromise. For example, maybe your parents would agree to drop the curfew if you agree to let them know where you are. Work out the compromises that best suit you and your parents. |
| * Keep in contact with your friends from college. Don't let the friendships you have built at school fade away while you're home. Make a few phone calls & send email. It will be easier to pick up where you left off when you get back next year. | TIP: Even though you keep in contact, everyone will be busy once at home. Don't expect things to be exactly the same as they were at college or for them to be there whenever you call. The point is to maintain contact until back at college. |
| * Old Friends - You think you've changed? Wait until you see your friends from high school! They've changed too. These changes may strengthen some of your former relationships while weakening or eliminating others. | TIP: In high school you were probably much more dependent on friends and what they thought of you. The goal may have been fitting in. College is a time to learn more about yourself, to make independent decisions and to value your own qualities. Value your high school friends. They gauge how you've changed. Keep in touch, but don't hold on for "old times sake". You may find you connect with people you didn't before. Friendships should never hold you back, but support you on your new journey. |
| * Use it or lose it ! Don't sacrifice your success by becoming mentally lazy during the summer break. Keep your brain in shape by reading. Read the newspaper, serious novels, and technical articles from your field (in magazines or journals). Stay ready for the trip back to college. Take time to review the things that went well during the last semester and develop strategies for improving those that didn't. | TIP: Keep alive interests developed at college. For example, if you've found you enjoy your vet tech course a great deal, consider volunteering at a local animal shelter. Love the feeling you get from singing in the university choir group? Try joining a community choral group or join an organization where you can keep your love of music alive. Found that you like sketching from your experience in an art class? Dedicate time every week to practice and have fun with this interest. These experiences help keep growing an important part of yourself. |
| * Adjusting to the financial responsibilities. Money disappears much quicker when you are living on your own, and it may be difficult to manage your funds appropriately. Talk to your parents and other mentors about this over the summer, especially if you have incurred debt (credit cards). If you get help early, you may prevent disaster in the future. | TIP: Get help from your parents if you are in financial trouble. Let them help you succeed. Let them know it has been a lesson to you and plan with them how to manage your finances. |
| * Recreation and Exercise. Summer is a great time to get outside and have fun. You may have become sedentary over the past semester. Get back into a fun exercise routine over the summer. | |
| * Talk to your parents. You can also talk with your family about your personal-emotional boundaries. A boundary allows you to express who you are and allows others to do the same. After time away at college, where your sense of self may have developed and your conceptualization of "where I end and you begin" may have changed. You realize that you have boundaries, but your family and friends may need your help to best understand how to interact and relate to you. | TIP: Work on asserting your true self by:
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| * Concerned about yourself or wanting to do some exploration about what's important to you and how to take care of yourself? Going through a transition - like moving back home - can trigger distressing feelings and thoughts. Don't hesitate to reach out to the support services in your community, like a community mental health center, church/synagogue, etc. | TIP: Identify and utilize the support services in your community or if you're a summer student or returning to UNH in the fall and are in the area, visit the Counseling Center. We're here to help. Non-enrolled students pay a small fee during the summer months and can access confidential counseling for students and consultation services for students and caregivers. Call the Counseling Center for more information. |